On the way home from church tonight we were listening to my Scotty McCreery CD. Yes I am a fan! There was that song about sitting in front of his mother and wanting to spend more time with her. (Back on The Ground, take a listen!)
Those words made me start to think about what his mother must have felt like. She sent him off a boy, a teenager, so innocent…naive even…sweet. I’ll bet by the time he finishes this first year, maybe she’s even had that moment already, he’ll sit across from her at their family table and she’ll see that that boy is gone. Replaced by a man now. A man that has seen a lot of different things now…not everything but way more than before he left home. I imagine it brings tears to her eyes as she looks at him and sadness washes over her as she realises that that boy is gone forever. he only lives in her memories now. Replaced by this man in front of her. He’s a wonderful man but still so grown-up from the boy she probably still clung to in her mind.
That made me think about him. What it feels like to be that newly grown person, looking into your mother’s eyes. Seeing her love for you. Wanting so desperately to be that kid for her again but loving the world you’re in now. He must have wanted to hug her so tightly and whisper to her that he loves her and always will. That he’ll always be that little boy in his heart.
I told Ben ad he said, “Can you imagine what it would be like to live in those fancy hotels and eat steak dinners every night and all of that and then go home? Does his mom just toss the Corn Pops on the table for breakfast still? Does he go up stairs to sleep in his bunk bed?” I laughed then I remembered what that’s like.
I remembered how good it feels to go back home. To hug your mother and know that she loves you no matter how grown up you get. I remembered how good it feels to climb back into the bed I slept in as a teenager and snuggle under the covers I slept under way back then. I felt good, like I was able to hide all of the bad stuff. Like I was free from responsibility. Like I could get back the good stuff from those past days in my life.
It’s all gone now though. My mother passed away 11 years ago this June. I can never go back. I can never sleep in that bed again. I can never feel that love. I can never feel that safety that you feel from knowing that person loves you even though they know how bad you can be. I still miss her every day.
Isn’t it funny how much a song can bring back?