As she moves forward…she moves away from me.

EmilyBeing a good mom is really, really hard.  First they cling to you…need you for so much that it smothers you.  Then they grow and they need you less.  You feel whole again.  But then, as soon as you begin to trust in that feeling, they move away from you.  You are a little less whole.  Then a little less.  Until on day you notice that they are grown.

You’ve done your job and now it’s time to step back and watch in amazement at how God has used you to knit that small, helpless person into the young woman standing before you.  You gaze on her and can’t believe the hole in you heart.  You talk to her and know that very soon, there will be a hole in your life.

It’s bittersweet.  We have been moving in this direction from the very start and yet I feel unprepared.  I know she’s gotten what she needs though.  I know she’s ready.  I know it’s a beautiful thing God is doing in her precious life.  But I will miss her terribly, the way she is right now, the way she was when she was small, but I will be blessed with the woman she will be.