Have you ever noticed your child’s personality starting to change in a way you don’t like? What do you do?
I ask myself what I am or am not doing differently. I know that no one knows my children like I do. As their mother, I have come to realize that I can change ALL parts of their lives, even those that I have no control over.
I know you’re thinking, “Aren’t you full of yourself!” It is true though. You can do it with your child too. It’s all about listening. I read a wonderful book called, Listening is an Act of Love. I read it, slowly and carefully.
You see, everyone wants to be heard…understood and loved. Everyone! You can help your child through whatever he/she is struggling with by listening. Not just to their words but to their hearts.
Lately, my nine year old has been struggling with his younger brother. I can see that he was trying to be bigger so he felt like he needed to break the connection with his little brother. I could also tell that something else was bothering him but I didn’t know what. So we sat together. First I asked him about his current fight with his little brother. I pointed out that he wasn’t telling me what was really bothering him. I brought up that it seemed to me that he was wanting to be bigger and, because of that, he was struggling with how to be with his brother. He said it was true. I told him I thought I could help him but I needed him to think about what he wanted/needed to feel bigger. I asked him to make me a list of the things that he sees older kids doing and that he wants to do.
He started to cry and told me about an issue he had with his dad recently that had made him feel bad. FYI: His dad is an awesome dad even though he is not perfect (who is though?) I asked him to go ahead and make his list and I would talk to his dad.
I can’t fix his problems but I can listen to his heart, make him feel heard and important and help him to find his own solutions. Those will change every aspect of his life not just now but forever.