Remembering

Today is the anniversary of the tragic death of a very special little boy.  I longed to be able to comfort his family.  Each year, as his birthday and this anniversary come and go, I feel that renewed feeling of inadequacy.  I feel a tremendous loss for them and us.

You see, I have a little boy who’s birthday is only a few days before his.  I struggle as I plan for my son’s birthday, knowing that his mother is missing him.  Then spring begins to move in and I remember that day.  The broken hearts and the pain.  Our fear as we waited for news…  I couldn’t stop crying for days.  I held my children and prayed that they would never be taken from me.  I ached to comfort his parents even though I knew that (after my mother passed suddenly) comfort couldn’t really come from me.

Then my next son was born and I felt guilty.  They even visited us in the hospital.  They are so kind, thoughtful, generous and giving.

I still long for them to have what they should have.  What I am blessed to have.  They are happy; incredibly happy and God has blessed them tremendously.  But I still don’t know how or if I even should let them know that I, too, remember the beautiful child that they lost.   That I long for the friend that my boys should have had.   That, though I know that they will be together again in the arms of Christ, I ache for them and the things that they can’t have with him.

So, today, please pray with me, not just for my friends but for everyone that has lost a loved one.  Though we are able to move forward the loss never leaves us.  It simply stops overwhelming our hearts and moves to a corner to give us room for love again.