Today is the anniversary of the tragic death of a very special little boy. I longed to be able to comfort his family. Each year, as his birthday and this anniversary come and go, I feel that renewed feeling of inadequacy. I feel a tremendous loss for them and us.
You see, I have a little boy who’s birthday is only a few days before his. I struggle as I plan for my son’s birthday, knowing that his mother is missing him. Then spring begins to move in and I remember that day. The broken hearts and the pain. Our fear as we waited for news… I couldn’t stop crying for days. I held my children and prayed that they would never be taken from me. I ached to comfort his parents even though I knew that (after my mother passed suddenly) comfort couldn’t really come from me.
Then my next son was born and I felt guilty. They even visited us in the hospital. They are so kind, thoughtful, generous and giving.
I still long for them to have what they should have. What I am blessed to have. They are happy; incredibly happy and God has blessed them tremendously. But I still don’t know how or if I even should let them know that I, too, remember the beautiful child that they lost. That I long for the friend that my boys should have had. That, though I know that they will be together again in the arms of Christ, I ache for them and the things that they can’t have with him.
So, today, please pray with me, not just for my friends but for everyone that has lost a loved one. Though we are able to move forward the loss never leaves us. It simply stops overwhelming our hearts and moves to a corner to give us room for love again.